just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
