i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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