I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
