So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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