Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My pussy is not your playground.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My dick has a subreddit
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
