i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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