I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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