To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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