the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
worst night to have a conscience
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
