This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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