Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
