my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
