I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
