Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
