Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
