Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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