The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
