Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
