My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
These tits shall not be calmed
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
