God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
