How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Randomize
