My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
