Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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