Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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