Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
