Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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