the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you will always have a special place in my vag
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
