did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
