You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
