his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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