I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I deserve this hangover.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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