I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
