I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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