The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
