i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
