I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
