id be glad to
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize