i just had sex bonerless
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
