Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
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