My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
