I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
