By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
