A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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