I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
