Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
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