Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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