I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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