Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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