she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
