So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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