Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
