do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
