Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Why did my mother make you get naked?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
