turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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