Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I need moral support for this bender
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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