If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
