I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
