When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize