chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Randomize
