My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
