his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
