stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize