Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize