If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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