We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
