...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
