you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
