I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize