My sheets look like a crime scene.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
