I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We have started to decorate penises.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
