To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
