I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
