It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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