She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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