Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
