someone threw a dead crab at me
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
