I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
