i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
