he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
