she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize