Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize