My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
