NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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