I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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