I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
