is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Michael Bay diarrhea
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
