I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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