Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
