Im at strip club and am horny
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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